Monday, October 27, 2014

How Do You Handle Your Child's Pain?

My heart was aching for my little girl, just over a week ago, after what should have been a fun Girl Scout meeting.  She had just been to an art studio with her troop where they were working on earning a painting badge.  For the first part of the time Morgan was to paint a picture of the girl across from her and then the other girl was to do the same.  After that painting they then painted how they felt.  I didn't stay for the 2 hour meeting, but I went back early to pick her up.  She showed me what she had been doing, all the girls got a picture taken together holding the paintings that were painted of them, and we left.

Morgan seemed kinda quiet on the way home.  I tried talking to her, asking her questions about the night, thinking the whole time what fun she must have had....then she broke down crying as we pulled in the driveway.  She tried explaining what happened at the meeting, but was so upset that I wasn't grasping the whole situation.  It took a while, after she calmed down, to understand what had actually happened...and I have to admit I was shocked that another little girl, only a year older, could be SO mean.

When Morgan went to paint the girl across from her, she had a limited amount of colors and chose yellow for the girl's skin.  The leader had already explained to the girls that everyone has different abilities and sees things differently.  Yellow is was what Morgan chose to use...and the other girl got MAD.  She kept telling Morgan that she was painting her picture wrong, then she told Morgan to 'hurry up' and that she was taking too long.  When Morgan was done, and it was the other girl's turn, the other girl proceeded to show Morgan how to paint the skin 'right', then painted a nice picture of Morgan only to purposely destroy it!

I have to point out that when Morgan is with her closest friends she is social and talkative, but in a large group setting she is quiet and shy. In no way would she provoke such behavior from another girl.  I can imagine she sat there mortified.  She already told me she did her best to hold back tears the whole time.

I made sure that Morgan knew she didn't do anything wrong.  I also told her that we always need to do our best to be kind to others no matter how they treat hard as it is.  I never said anything mean about the girl, but made sure Morgan understood what the girl did was mean (as Morgan already knew), and that knowing how much it hurt that we would never treat anyone else in that way.

The girls brought the paintings that were painted of them home.  After it had dried, and I had time to calm down and think, I asked Morgan to go ahead and throw it away.  And while she threw it away, to also throw away the hurt feelings that went along with it.

I made sure the leader knew what happened as well.  She felt terrible!  She didn't know it was going on and would have put an end to it if she had.  She told me to make sure Morgan knew to come to her if anything like that were to happen again.  I relayed what the leader said, but I know Morgan won't tattle...she would break down crying if she had to tell anyone.  And she wouldn't dare cry in front of anyone after the girl that was sitting right next to her was the one who was telling everyone last year at school that Morgan cried for not being able to make it to a meeting...totally embarrassing her.

I wish it never happened, and my kids never had to go through that kind of pain, but it's going to happen.  I can only do my best to show them how to handle it the best I know how.  I'd like to think I did 'ok'...she hasn't said anything else about it, but she did ask when her next meeting was...hopefully in excitement for it and not that she is dreading it. :-/  I'll be praying that it goes well for sure! :-)


mail4rosey said...

I'm sorry your daughter had to go through that too. Been there done that w/the feelings thing. It never gets better either, I still feel for my grown kids if they're treated unfairly or hurting.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

You did a good job handling it. I'm so sorry that she was hurt. As much as we want to protect them from the pains the world sends our way we just can't. All we can do is be there for them and hold them close.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

I'm so sorry to hear that :( some kids can be so mean. I think you handled it very well!

Nancy Loring said...

Some kids can be so hurtful. I hope this doesn't stop your daughter from being creative.

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